I have completly lost the plot when it comes to the Pagan Blog Project and it shows just how reliant upon technology I am. My phone gave up the ghost after a blessing from the water spirits (aka a cup of tea) and it took me sometime to set up my tab for blogging, only to find I had no camera.
So I am catching up with various posts and I’m working on a HOTH roundup as I’ve made a couple of cool things in addition to my Crochet Talisman and Spell Pouch. But I’ve heen thinking today about how I feel about when I similarly ‘loose the plot’ with my devotions.
Although I am doing well at the moment, and I am working on a short evening devotion that concentrates on my devotions to Hekate, I know that sometimes my physical and mental health suffer and the first thing to slide is my devotions. That might seem counter intuitive, given that I can draw strength from my God and Goddess in my time of need, but ritual itself takes a certain amount of energy (never mind organisation) that might be beyond me at the time. I might still light a candle or quietly commune with them for a time however full ritual would be beyond me.
Realistically the question is who is more bothered, Hekate and Pan or me? There is something very satisfying about breaking out a cathedral of candles, loose incense, favourite offerings of liver and garlic accompanied by song and chant but silent communion can be just as nourishing, if not more so. Is the pomp and circumstance for Their honour or my ego?
The answer, in a way, is its a bit of both. By putting in that extra effort and going the extra mile is an external display my commitment however I have to acknowledge that ego lurks behind such things. Equally, when I beat myself up about letting the extent of my devotions slide it is ego exerting itself and making me feel bad, normally at a time when I am already feeling weak and fragile already and have altered my devotions to preserve my own health. My communication with my God and Goddess is by no means impaired by its simplicity, nor improved by its complexity, and similarly I have never felt disapproval of the scale of my devotions (other things yes, but not that).
By labeling these times as when I have ‘lost the plot’ I am allowing my ego, and stress voice, to rule. It is not wrong to step back and take a break, nor is it wrong to simplify and listen. Something that has cropped up around me a couple of times is the phrase “I find that 90% of my pagan practice is going into nature, shutting up and listening.” I know I don’t do this anywhere near as much as I would like but the same sentiment applies to working with deities, sometimes you need to put all the frills and parifinalia aside, shut up and listen.