1) What you knitting?
Here we go. This is a hook, singular, and it doesn’t even look like a knitting needle. People tend to assume that the two things go hand in hand but I don’t actually knitting, it plays havoc with an old arm injury. I’ve even had people ask me what I’m knitting when I am spinning on a hand or drop spindle which may be a reasonable extension of the activity is still pretty aggravating.
2) My (insert relative here) knits, they taught me once
That’s nice but I’m still not knitting. Ugh!
3) My (insert relative here) crochets, they taught me once.
Closer at least, but I am not here to share relative ‘war’ stories. I’m here to hook stuff and … well, hook stuff. People always assume that it is an inherited activity, that if your grandma’s grandma didn’t make sure the super secret skills were passed on you will never learn. A lot of people get put off learning yarn craft skills because of this nonsense. In this modern age of books and Internet all you really need is a set of hooks, some wool and an internet connection… and maybe a bit of determination.
4) What are you making?
The perennial conversation starter which is always a wind up for questions 5. I hate this because it’s either something blatantly obvious, like a blanket, or something I know they won’t understand. Having to explain Lovecraft and the identity of Cthulhu is not my idea of fun but the girls wanted their very own Elder God so who am I to say no?
5) Can you make me one?
Depends on who’s asking, often I just say no because people always want it for free. Family and close friends are charged material costs but random strangers get a full time and labour quote and deposit requests. Often I will say that it’s easier than it looks why not learn… in a nice way
6) How much?
Just because I like crochet doesn’t mean I’m going to give up my time for free my friend, and I assume that you want a decent quality wool (between £2.50 to £3.50 per ball) and not the cheep stuff I buy for myself. Wool ain’t cheap and I expect some payment for my time. I don’t think half minimum wage is an unfair expectation. Any less and I would be operating a one woman sweatshop.
7) Why don’t you just buy one?
By the Great Apis (aka Holy Cow) I can buy blankets? I never realised I just thought the pleasure I got from making things myself was a fortunate byproduct of learning ye olde worldy life skills. I am so better informed now…
Or more politely
I suppose I could but I enjoy making them.
8) Are you making another blanket?
This is what I get from my OH. Why yes dear I am. It’s a relatively simple pattern which allows me to listen to my podcasts, audio books or binge watch my favourite TV series. Besides, when the end of civilisations comes at least we won’t be cold. So yes, it’s another blanket.
9) How do you find the time?
Multi tasking. Although I haven’t bought into the concept of Audio Books, basically because I think Amazon is a rip off, I can etc my mobile device to read books to me and I am very diligent at snapping up free kindle downloads. So instead of reading my books I can now listen to them as I hook; or I can listen to podcasts instead. I recently downloaded a decent document reader app so I can listen to non-Kindle e-books and pdf’s as well. Its so good I may even invest in a new android device solely dedicated to books.
The other way is recognising when I can get the hook and yarn out. Car journeys and longer commutes are perfect opportunities to get hooking, as are interminable children’s parties where I have to stay but refuse to helicopter my kids.
10) Aren’t you being anti social?
Yes, yes I am. I have anxiety, particularly when it comes to social engagements involving my kids, and this is my ‘I don’t want to talk’ signal, did you missed it?
I can’t small talk to a person I just met for two whole hours without getting anxious so fk it I will crochet instead. I will find a quiet corner and be productive. The same is true for travelling long distances on the train, with the exception being if I am travelling with friends. I would much rather be doing something productive than be sat twiddling my thumbs so I will risk the double edged nature of the sword.